I tried to warn as many as possible that I was on a downward swing. For those that do not know, I suffer from a bipolar disorder. I can usually keep it under control enough that it only occurs to the extremes a few times a year, but a series of events that started in October kept piling on. I’m still not completely out of the woods, but I am out of the manic depression. I can feel my energy slowly returning, and my interest in life growing.
During these times, it is extremely scary for me to be in my own head. I lose all interest in life, and the activities of it. Just crawling out of bed, and going to the couch to lay in front of the television can be an exercise for my mental state. Things that would normally be minor irritations in my life can feel ‘end of the world’. I essentially go deep inside of myself and disconnect from life around me. I can spend hours upon hours sleeping or staring at a television. I barely eat, answer my phone, or generally do much of anything. Suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, and the no longer knowing who I am, race around in my head. Each thought darker than the last.
These episodes can last a few days or weeks upon weeks. This latest manic episode was bad. I could feel myself slipping on that slope so I sent out messages and posted what I could to warn people that I wouldn’t be around. It lasted much longer than I counted on it going. I think the feelings of being taken advantage of, not making Camp Nano, and not being able to figure out how to fix these two novels I have on my desk overwhelmed me. Add into the mix my husband having a mental breakdown himself, and the house leak and now repairs that hit all in the last few weeks and I was gone.
I am still not fully recovered, but I am on the way. At least I woke up today wanting to participate in life, which is great timing as it is my daughter’s 14th birthday. She is so excited due to not going to school today as she joined The hubby Man at work for ‘bring your child to work’ day. I hope it is everything she has been hoping that it would be. It’s all she’s talked about for weeks.
Anyway, that is the latest update. I will resume regular postings and my workload.
Remember, L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing. I think it’s time to break that down, and go over it. I need a reminder.