Welcome back to another Wednesday post. I’m sure I’ve changed the title from wordcount to writer, but that is okay. Not everything I post here will have to do with word count. In fact, most of it won’t.
I have a confession to make.
As part of my perfectionism issue that I’ve talked about comes the sapping of joy. It isn’t that I don’t want to have any joy. It’s that I expect things that ‘should’ bring me joy to bring me the happiest joy to ever be given. Nothing halfway here.
When things that I hear or assume should bring me joy to that level don’t, then I’m left feeling disappointed. So the next time that I do those same things I expect even more joy than the first time. It isn’t that I don’t feel joy in these things such as writing or reading, it just isn’t at the level that I expect it to be. After a few times of being so disappointed, then I don’t want to do those things any longer.
This has taken its toll on so much. On my writing. I start projects and work them to a point if I don’t feel elated to be writing or any excitement in the story then I stop and try something else. I’m sure if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time you’ve seen me switch projects and often.
It has also taken its toll on my reading adventures. I get excited to learn new things so nonfiction books are always a sure fire way to get me to read and fire up that excitement. Not all self-help or nonfiction books keep my brain so active and my excitement level up and those often get set down and never picked up again. Fiction novels…I just haven’t found one that brings me that same level of excitement. It isn’t that they are terrible novels. It is that my expectations are so ridiculously high that it is unachievable to reach.
The last few days I have been working on it. I have to admit now that I’m meditating and learning about perfectionism and implementing techniques to learn to alleviate that I’ve found a new love for reading and writing alike.
I’m still working on not only lowering my standards down to reasonably achievable while still being challenging and learning that not everyone shares my same drive and standards. That it is okay if they don’t share in my same journey or even see it.
I’ll admit, even though it has only been a few days adjusting all of this has been a real challenge for me. I’ve been a lot happier and I find fun in things once more, but implementing new techniques and learning new things always takes time and practice. You just have to keep at it until it becomes natural.
Until next time, remember to L.O.L. (Live life, Own life, Love life)