2018 · December

A Sense of Fulfillment

Hello, Readers!

I went through several different ideas for a blog post. From well-intentions of people trying to help you soothe yourself when really all they are doing is condoning your excuses to even the fact that I have let myself slide so far with working this month that is actually giving me a nervous twitch. Not working doesn’t do good for me. I can say I don’t want to over stress myself, but I haven’t written a thing all weekend and have been ‘taking it easy’. It is making me crazy.

I can’t and don’t want to be the one with a million excuses and reasons why I’m not sitting down to work. I’ve done that game for years and it isn’t who I am any longer. While, it might be okay for others, it isn’t who I am. 

My goals are way too big for me to be okay with sitting on the benches instead of playing the game. Yeah, it may drive me crazy to push really hard, but I much prefer that push to sitting around waiting to ‘feel like it’. Doing that allows my life to overrun my goals and then I accomplish nothing. 

No, thank you. I want to get the majority if not all of Treaty of Dragons out next year. That means a packed tight release schedule and an even more packed writing schedule. 

For my personality type and mental state of being I simply can’t sit around and wait for thing to happen. I have to force my butt into the chair and work or I’m going to have to get a job. Without mental stimulation throughout the day and goals to move toward I grow bored. 

Once I’m bored I eat way more then I should, and I have more brain fog. Days pass unnoticed and I sleep a whole lot more then I need to. 

I noticed on Sunday that I really hadn’t done much for quite some time. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I got a decent nights sleep or even went to bed feeling fulfilled. 

That sense of fulfillment is something I seek each day. It is what allows my brain to mostly shut down at night so I can sleep. Due to not having it I go to bed still stimulated. My brain won’t shut down and my dreams are filled with strange things. I spend more time up and down all night and my sleep is less than restful, which causes me to wake up still tired and with headaches.

I don’t care for that at all. My dreams are far too vivid and I have a hard time distinguishing between them and reality. They also tend to be filled with cries for action in some form. 

So, in light of keeping things on track and moving toward my goals, I’m going to increase my work schedule once more. Especially as it isn’t a lack of love for this story or want to write it. It’s merely been the whole waiting to feel like it and letting life overrun my days’ thing. It might work for some people, but I’m not them. I have to do what works for me no matter what. 

I really like accomplishing things and I want to be the type of person that works to achieve her dreams instead of simply saying she wants something and not accomplishing anything. There are so many great stories that I want to tell and I can’t do that if I don’t sit down and work. 

So, I will be increasing my work schedule and using my new way of plotting to see how that goes. As I really haven’t put it into full force yet, I’m not as comfortable informing you on how that is going more than saying, you can tell by this post that I haven’t really done anything with it beyond a few days of great work.

Until next time, remember to L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing.

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