I managed to get a good amount of work done yesterday, which I’m extremely proud of. While it has taken me a long time to get back to this point I’m moving once more. Today will see me even further into this novel.
Once I sat down and really allowed myself to get into the scene that I was writing it was so much fun to get it down. That is what I have to remember when it comes to working. It isn’t about the word count or the page count at the end of the day for me. It’s about embracing the scene that I’m working on.
I find when I do this, I write a lot more. That words don’t feel so sluggish to me. That is the state of flow that I actually love to be in. While I know it doesn’t always work for me, I will be trying to remain there more often.
You may be asking the screen what trusting one’s self has to do with the writing, but it actually has everything to do with it. Shoot, it has everything to do with all aspects of your life and mine.
Over the course of years, I have broken the trust with myself. While that sounds odd or even crazy, it is true. I have made a lot of promises to myself that I just haven’t fulfilled. And just like when you break trust with your friends or even family, the same thing happens when you break it with yourself.
You stop trusting yourself to fulfill the things that you say you’re going to. Not only that you second guess everything as well. It takes its toll on your self-confidence and your self-esteem. It’ll spiral over and over again in the subconscious of your head until you can’t remember how it even happens, but merely that it has.
You spend most of your time in your own way. You’ll think up these goals and dreams for yourself but you will ‘sabotage’ yourself every step of the way. While you won’t understand why it happens, it will.
I’ve done it with my writing, with my weight loss, with my relationships. The cost is astronomical if you take the time to really sit down and think about it.
I have missed countless deadlines I’ve created for myself so I have no trust in my ability to continue to write a novel and hit those dates. Not to mention that I’ve thought up some great books, but I’ve torn them down and cast them aside, breaking the trust in my own imagination. It’s left me in longer droughts of imagination. Now, I’m always in my own way when it comes to my writing.
My weight loss. I’ve given up on so many healthy lifestyles and ways of eating that it’s insane to think about. There have been exercise programs and everything that have shown real results, but I break the promise to myself to eat healthier, to control my portions. I’ve done it so much, that each time it makes it easier and easier to break these promises to myself.
As you can see this happens with every aspect of life. You promise yourself one thing and then when you don’t do it, the next time you try it’s even harder to get there.
You’ve broken the trust with yourself.
While you can get it back it takes a lot of work. You have to self-aware. You need to know when you’ve made a promise to yourself and you need to fulfill those. It will also help you become more aware of the promises you are making, that way you can truly make sure that what you are placing such a high priority on is worth it.
Now, I wouldn’t recommend jumping into the deep end on keeping promises but start small. If you promise yourself you’re going to eat healthier and control your proportions, start with one day. Keep your promise for a day, then a week, so on and so forth.
The same can work that way with any aspect of your life. Build up momentum and teach yourself that you can fulfill those promises to yourself one step at a time. You may just find that one moment you are going to look back and realize your self-trust is a whole lot better than it was. Not only that, but you will be accomplishing all those goals that you’ve set for yourself.
That is the point in which I’m at. I’m teaching myself to trust what I say I’m going to do. I’m working on eating healthier. This is day 3 of my healthy eating. I’ve managed it 100% of these 3 days.
My writing goal, this is day 2 and I’m going to keep that promise of writing 2k a day, as well. That is next on the list of things to do.
One step at a time. That is all it takes when it comes to regaining that trust. It can happen. It won’t be easy, but you can make it work.
Now, time to grab some lunch and then get to work. Remember to LO.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing.