2019 · August

Nearly Walked Away

Hello, Readers! As anyone that has followed this blog religiously may have noticed, there have been massive gaps in my blogging career. Not just that, but all of it.

I fell back into a deep and dark depression. This one was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It wasn’t pain, it was numbness. I simply didn’t care about anything. Not myself, not my work, not my family and house, nothing. I slept during the day when everyone was awake around me and I was awake when I was the only one.

It became too exhausting to interact with people and the only thing that sort of held me together was playing Dungeons & Dragons on the weekend. I’m not sure why that was the only I really did with any sort of a schedule, but it was. Rather it was being someone else, or the one forced social situation. Either way, I am grateful I had that. I’m not sure what would have happened without it.

I believed I was done. I wasn’t going to write anymore. Not because it was too hard or there weren’t any ideas, but rather, I lacked serious motivation. I spent what time I was awake watching Youtube videos until my eyes bled.

Okay, that was dramatic, but in all seriousness, I sank into mindnumbing things. I just existed, barely. Even my social interactions with friends came to a screeching halt. I just couldn’t be bothered by anyone or anything else.

I have had some bad depression for most of my life, but this was the darkest of the dark. There weren’t suicidal thoughts or anything like that. It was just a state of numb.

I won’t say that I’m all back to my normal self, but I am taking the steps to get there. Thank heavens for that.

I am setting goals and using to-do lists once more. I’m sleeping more at night than during the day. I’m making sure to drink far more water and will start vitamins today. I’ve even picked up journaling once more.

And this, this is the biggest step I’ve made yet. I’m back to blogging and not only that, writing. I am beginning a new novel while working on planning out another so that it is ready to go right behind this one.

So, there is some progress being made, which I am so thankful for. I haven’t felt like myself in so long, that I began to believe that there was nothing left of me in here. It was a total meltdown of astronomical proportions.

While, I know it will take time, like all things in life as long as you take the first step and keep going…you can come back from a whole lot.

Until next time my glorious readers, remember to L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it). Man, those words feel amazing to type once more.

4 thoughts on “Nearly Walked Away

  1. Oh, Misty. I feel for you. Depression has derailed my life and my writing more times than I can count. It’s crippling. I’m so happy you’re back on track and feeling better. If you ever need to talk, I’m always here.

  2. I am so sorry you went through this alone. I was wallowing in my on grief and not being a good friend. Now we are both trying to bounce back and Together we will conquer the demons holding us back. If you need to talk I’m just a Facebook call away

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