Yesterday was definitely a bump in my reconnecting with myself, that is for sure. I think it came on in part due to the fact that I hadn’t been sleeping much for a few days. Finally sick of it, I took some Zzzquil to help.
At one thirty that morning, regardless of the medication, my cat decided it was time for me to get up. I sat at my desk for hours, completely groggy and unaware of the passing of time or even the lack of it. I felt out of sorts and yet not quite tired enough to go to sleep.
By the time I felt I could fall back asleep it was time to get my daughter up for school. Luckily for me, the hubby man was working from home as our car was in the shop getting new breaks. So, I drug myself to the bed.
I awoke again at ten that same morning and came back to sit at my desk. This time the gap wasn’t quite as large but when I found myself sitting at my desk, crying because I can’t seem to ever get time to work, I decided to hell with the world, I was going back to sleep.
By the time I finally awoke for the day, and not so much out of want to wake up, but because I knew I was due to babysit I felt a bit more like me. Not a lot, as you see, nothing still got done. Yet, I wasn’t a sobbing mess.
I know one of my biggest things that has destroyed me emotionally, is not being able to push my job to the forefront of my life without taking away from others. There is part of me that says, I’ve paid my dues and I should be able to do that. There is also part of me that says I’ve had more than my fair share of helping hands as I got to where I am at, this time it is my turn to be that help for someone else.
It leaves me in a very confused stated of being. Like a constant argument is occurring all of the time. Eventually, said argument destroys me internally and I go through these downward spirals.
I do seriously miss my writing time. Sure, I have some in the morning, but it is usually extremely interrupted. I need to take that time back, even if it means somehow that I need to go back to working in the bedroom instead of the living room.
Which sucks because my setup for the living room is amazing as it is also my gaming computer, but I need to do something to ensure I get my work time in as well. There has to be some sort of a give somewhere or I fear madness will sink in.
I love my career and what I do, and yet, there are times that it doesn’t feel much like a career but rather a hobby. Not by my choice, but by circumstances. Those are the times depression sinks in.
Tell me, do any of you have creative work you truly love to do? How do you make time for it?
Until next time, remember to L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing.