I can’t tell you how long it has been since I’ve woken up excited to write once more. It’s always felt like I apply so much pressure that the simple act of creating anything feels like a mountain I cannot climb. After having a conversation with my younger sister and best friend, I’ve come to the conclusion to stop adding so much pressure.
I made my schedule and while I haven’t been sticking to it, due to needing to get done so many holiday things, I have made progress each day to putting in the hours. The last few days I have woken up excited to write and it has been the most amazing feeling ever. It certainly makes days easier to enjoy as my mind wanders a lot more than it used to toward the books I’m working on.
While I still have a lot to finish in the few days until Christmas Eve, I’m sure I can manage it all. I have been working slowly on checking off all my lists. The tasks one by one finding completion.
I do still have some cookies to make and gifts to wrap, I’m finding balance a lot easier to find in all of this. I am really working toward 2020 being a busy year for me. It’ll also be the first year without a school age child in the home all year. That part might be harder as my youngest leaves for college, but I’m so excited for this new chapter in her life. I really think she will find joy in it.
Thanks to the Hubby Man, I have gotten an Emotional Support Animal for myself. He is goofy, wickedly intelligent, and a lot of fun to have around as the pair of us learn how to grow together. He’s picked up a lot of tricks and is learning how to handle my anxiety attacks like a pro.
I do believe his big brother, my husband’s ESA has helped a lot as he has been teaching him as well as our training times. Slowly, but surely, he is learning how to handle the things that I need him to be able to do when I have my meltdowns either through anxiety attacks or PTSD flashbacks. While there are times the anxiety is worse than others, I truly feel a bit more like myself once more.
I’m learning how to handle these out in public and the hubby man is quick to figure out how bad the attack will get on a scale from, breathing techniques to get through, to medication, to I need to get home with my dog. I’ve found that while holiday shopping used to be unbearable, I have managed to go out to several stores this season with the help of the medication, breathing techniques and my attentive hubby man.
It’s felt great to be a part of society once more. I won’t sit here and lie and say it is all sunshine and rainbows. If I allow myself to become exhausted or I don’t slow down enough to take care of my personal needs, my anxiety becomes a real problem and meltdowns happen far more. They can get to the point where I can’t even manage daily tasks and have found myself hidden in my room with the ESA dogs more than once, blocked off from any interaction.
Step by step, I am learning better coping mechanisms and the triggers for such attacks. Not to mention I’ve taken the time to learn how to listen to the needs of my body, so I can better manage these things. While I feel like I’m not the wonder woman I once was that was on top of EVERYTHING all the time.
I feel a lot healthier in the steps I’ve taken in these last few months. It has allowed me to hand more control over to the hubby man when it comes to our daily lives, and we’ve grown closer as a team while we learn to manage things together. I even let him push the buggy through the stores from time to time. Now that is progress. Ha
In all serious, though, while this by far has not been an easy year. It has been a year of growth, self care, and awareness.
Here is to next year continuing on this healthy and continuing to take care of the things I’ve needed to get a handle on for years. Until next time, remember to L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing.