2020 · January

Refocusing my Energy

Hello, Readers!

As some of you may know my house remains in a somewhat state of chaos. My oldest daughter and her two boys live here with us. They are also both under the age of five, as you can imagine, life never really calms down fully. It does and can fall back into a state of normal for me.

That means, there is a certain about of chaos that I’m used to. I know how to handle it and can maneuver around it. While I’m still working hard on maintaining a clear head and fixing my thoughts, it has gotten a lot better.

I know when I’m ready in the day to sit down and work. You know why? I pop open a messenger to the hubby man if we hadn’t already been talking and I complain. Sounds charming, doesn’t it? Yeah, I won’t ever claim to be the easiest person to live with. However, I do this thing where I put out a thousand reasons why today didn’t go my way, how everything keeps getting in the way of me getting things done, pretty much every excuse on why I haven’t sat at the computer and wrote has come out of my mouth at this point.

The thing is, that used to be where my days stopped and often times it would happen as late as once he got home from work. So, he walks in the door and there I am just waiting to unload my crap onto him. Poor guy. Really, being able to see it now…sheesh, I have no idea why we are still together. He should have ran.

Anyway, it hasn’t been happening like that lately. I get to mid morning. Sometimes before lunch or at lunch and I shut myself in the room with no intention of coming back out until I’ve accomplished things.

At this point, that is when I realize the entire morning has gone by without me managing to get anything done. All my big plans from the day before to get to work sooner have fallen to the side. I start to feel like a failure and like I’m just done. There is never any energy left for once I’m done handling everything else for everyone else.

I complain and cry on the shoulder to the hubby man and then I breathe. It’s like voicing all this crap that has gone on has emptied it out of my thoughts and I can now refocus my energy. If I’m lucky by this point I’ve already gotten my blog post done, but more often than not I have my journal entry done and that is it.

So, I pull up my blog. I really do try to keep this place as positive as possible, but sometimes my life overflows onto it and you get to hear all the ugly stuff behind the scenes of my head. However, I do follow that up with lessons I learned during that time frame or ways I’ve helped myself cope.

Anyway, once my blog is up and I’ve come up with the idea, I get the post written. This is a massive thing for me. Sounds weird, huh? Not really. It means my brain has kicked into work mode. It is one thing off my habit tracker and it is a sign to myself that we are no longer in Mom or Grandma mode. We are in author mode.

At this point, I make my bed so everything feels peaceful around me. Follow that with a short meditation, usually no more than 20 minutes, just to prime my brain for the next tasks ahead. After all of this, I’ve refocused my energy on my work at hand. It feels absolutely amazing and I fall into a flow state of being.

Being at peace inside I can sit for longer periods behind the desk and work. I don’t ever feel like there are other things that I should be doing. This is my job and it is moving into a priority in my life.

While I haven’t completely streamlined this method and I certainly can improve it by not complaining to the hubby man. Instead, I can pull out a piece of paper and write down all of that. Every excuse I can come up with and I’d normally tell him, then tear it up and begin writing. That is the goal for that in my life.

I’d love to lessen the time it takes me to finally settle down at the desk as well. I’d really like to get it closer to 9 in the morning then noon. That way I can accomplish a whole lot more before my other job of babysitting kicks in or it becomes time to make dinner.

These are things that I am certainly striving toward. However, I can’t forget how far that I’ve come. There was a time that all that complaining was just it. I had all the reasoning I needed to not get my work done. Well, the time is now eleven or noon and I haven’t gotten any writing done. Guess I’ll try harder tomorrow, then I’d watch YouTube videos or play video games the rest of the day.

It has created this cycle inside of me that I’m not proud of. One that allows me to spend more of my day doing absolutely nothing, then complaining and feeling bad because I didn’t utilize the time I had better.

Let’s face it, time management has always been a problem for me. Not to mention the tape that plays consistently in my head. However, thanks to all the work on my mental health even that has improved immensely.

So, anyway, long story short, I use a type of cleansing ritual – which can be made better by using paper instead of the hubby man’s ear – to refocus my energy and get to work.

Do you have any methods like that you’ve noticed about yourself? Or maybe you want to start some to help you focus on things. Comment below and we can share our refocusing methods.

Until next time, remember to L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing.

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