This is a question that pops into my head a lot as I contemplate my future. Especially after receiving treatment for my series of mental ailments. I often find that I hit a point in my months, weeks, or even days where I wonder why the heck I’m so lost. That I don’t even know how I am anymore. I’ve questioned on rather the medication has even helped me.
Today, I found these same recordings playing in my head, only this time I stopped them and questioned it. Am I really lost? Or have I simply found the person under all the anxiety, depression, and PTSD issues? That is more likely. The chance of finding myself after being hidden under all of that for years and years is highly likely.
Of course, if this were true, I would feel like I knew nothing about myself either after so long. So, in reality, I could be both wrong and right at the same time. Wrong in the fact that I’m not lost. I’ve simply found the woman hiding under everything. And right in the fact that I have no idea who I am anymore. It has been so long since I’ve felt this way that it has left me a little disjointed.
I believe that is my issue and has been my issue this entire time. It isn’t a matter of feeling lost in my own life. It’s a matter of discovering who I am when I’m not stressed out of my gourd. I don’t know my footing yet. This is new territory for me, but I’m sure I will find it eventually. Until then, there will be plenty of missteps and great leaps along the journey.
The ticket is rephrasing the way you think about things. So, in that frame, I am not lost, but rather found. The woman that I had kept hidden away from the world is now free to explore it and figure out a great path for her to enjoy as well.
Until next time, find the light.