2020 · March

Awoken By The Earth Moving

Hello, Readers!

Yesterday was an interesting adventure here in Utah. We were hit with 3 earthquakes down in Magna, Utah. While we are well over 40 mins awake from the location we got to feel them. The first one shook the apartments real good, which awoke the house at seven in the morning. It ranked a 5.7 on the seismograph.

A lot of places, especially California usually get hit harder. However, that being said, it was still our biggest earthquake in 28 years. We have only had 2 that have ranked over a 5.0 in 30 years. The first occurred in 1992 and the other, yesterday. We are known to have many small temblors that often go unnoticed or barely noticed. This is largely due to the fact that we have active coal mines in the western area of Utah.

Anyway, now that I gave you some history, I have to say getting out of the bed yesterday to get the family to safety was interesting. In fact, my son, whom came for a visit was much quicker about it. He had our youngest daughter up and was helping our oldest with her two kids by the time I managed to get me and the dog out of the bed.

That sounds terrible, but the whole bed was rolling and we were wrapped tightly in several blankets because it was chilly in the room. Several times we ended up rolled back into the bed ever so slightly. By the time we made it to my bedroom door, which wasn’t even five minutes later the shaking had stopped.

One of my main concerns for earthquakes and living in these apartments was earthquakes. This building is quite old. While it certainly is showing its age in a lot of areas, it handled that shaker like a champ, and the tornado a few years back. Even if that wasn’t a direct hit, we did have large pieces of twisted up car ports thrown, tree pieces flung and rooftop tiles sent this way and we did well.

An hour or so later, if even that, we got a follow up shaker. It only ranked a 4.4 or 4.5 on the seismograph. It was significantly less rolling here in Ogden, but scared my kids all the same. The last one came quite a few hours later and came in at a 4.6. We did feel that as well, but it wasn’t as significant. While I’m not sure if it was because were getting more used to the sensation or rather it wasn’t traveling quite as strongly, I’m not sure. Logic tells me it is more the later.

However, my heart broke for all of those that lived around there. These were just the major ones that moved up north to hit us. This wasn’t all the aftershocks that they went through as well. Salt Lake City took a great deal of damage and so did the airport. That isn’t including the housing subdivision that is Magna. While I’m grateful to hear that there were no deaths, the amount of damage they all are facing in the midst of the Coronavirus lock down has to be hard.

As for me, I don’t know. A week or so ago, I awoke from sleep and everything has felt different since. There is a sense of absolute peace inside of me. The things that would normally send me into anxiety fits and bouts of depression just aren’t.

Our car is in the shop being repaired and honestly, the repair bill is racking up quite high, but nothing. I’m so glad that we have such an amazing mechanic. Seriously, love this guy. I recommend him to everyone around here.

Anyway, the bill is growing and normally I’d be anxious about how we are going to pay for it all, worried that we won’t have enough money for food and things to survive on once we pay the bill. Not to mention the depression that would accompany all of that.

The earthquakes yesterday would have sent me into a frenzy of being scared every time something moved or noises got too loud. It would have activated my PTSD and anxiety bad, but somehow I remained calm. Shoot, I even joked about it.

I came out of the bedroom and told everyone to calm down, that I had trained for this since Kindergarten. Mind you we’ve had earthquake drills since then and they taught us what to do and how to handle it. While, yes, the training is so very different then going through it…I have no idea who I thought I was kidding about that. I mean, I haven’t been in school in…we will go with a long time here, earthquakes are rare…so, really I was simply joking around with the family to diffuse the situation.

My oldest daughter was disoriented from the shaking when it happened. My son flew into protect everyone mode, including that once we were safe and fine and my best sister friend (Little sister) was having panic attacks he drove over there to be with her so she didn’t have to be alone. Our youngest daughter was scared the rest of the day as well.

So, I had to do something. People needed me to be the strong one, so I was. I joked about it all and kept the air as light as I could in the house.

After everything settled, I thought I’d fall apart. Get everyone calmed down and safe, then I could let myself fall apart. However, it never came. I wasn’t afraid.

The major word in that sentence that is more of a letter is I. We are talking about a girl that dives to the ground if there is a strong wind. One that spends most of spring and fall in the hallway every time there is a storm.

At the end of the day, I was the one that wasn’t afraid. That realization there, slowed me down. I sat for a while and really explored myself. Surely, I was burying something. So, I locked myself in the room, in the quiet…I needed to come to terms with things or I was going to end up with PTSD over this as well.

I really did think things through and examine the fact that there was nothing. Well, not really nothing, but there was no fear. In fact, for well over a week that is how it has worked for me. I’m not even sure the real cause of it.

I can speculate…and if you read this blog, I’m really good at it. If things are going good, or even if they are going bad, I like to pull those memories, feelings, and parts of life out and explore it. I will pinch and poke at it until everything raises in volume.

However, the more I tried to examine all of these pieces, the more I realized that there simply wasn’t any negative sensations and feelings attached to any of it. Just a sense of peace. A calmness where my thoughts and feelings reside.

That right there, brought about the thoughts that maybe I had actually just snapped. That everything my brain and body are going through and have been through just broke it. I mean, after all, there certainly is plenty reason for it with everything going on in my life.

Still, when I tried that one, swirling it around in my head like a fine wine…nothing. It just simply didn’t match the sensations there, the peace that I sat in. So, I discarded it. I mean, lets not get me wrong, I joke about it. I joke about a lot of things, but I’m actually not serious.

I could use the fact that the journal the hubby man got me for Christmas has 3 places every day that you write out what you’re grateful for. I use this journal almost every day. There were points when it did get scary dark before this, that I didn’t. However, for the most part I have filled it out. So, there is a chance that seeing all the things I have to be grateful for has rewired my brain. There is some scientific proof that this can happen.

So, that is one theory. The other being the large joke of I just snapped. While, there is no serious point to this, I had to toss it in.

Another thing to look at is the fact that last week after suffering from twitches for a week and sleeping almost 22 hours a day, that I talked to the doctor about dropping my depression medication down. I’d been taking my anxiety pills way more of a few weeks prior, like most days 2 pills, which wasn’t normal for me.

The fact that I was barely awake at any point and when I was, I took anxiety meds, ate and pretty much went back to sleep, it had scared my family. In fact, it had scared my oldest enough for her to contact my bestest sister friend to tell her.

Mind you, the pair of us have been there for and with each other through everything. Her divorces, mine, birth and raising of kids, chicken pox, and the deaths of both our parents. Yes, even the tornado. We were on the phone together when it hit right here and she sat there with me, talking to me through it all to keep me calmer. Even sat there singing ‘The Song That Doesn’t End’, when I became too terrified to talk, but needed to hear her voice on the other end. So, when the earthquakes hit…we were on the phone until my son went to be with her. We’ve flown states over to be there for and with each other, and taken days off work when the other was having a meltdown.

So, when the crap started to hit the fan for me and I couldn’t see it, my oldest knew who to call in. We talked and text every day until we could finally get together. The plans were set to go hiking on Antelope Island. I’d never been and was super excited. She loves that place and couldn’t wait to share it with me.

We talked endlessly until we were both hoarse as we hiked, looked at historical places, and had near run ins with bison. It felt incredible to be beside her again. To reconnect in a way we’d lost over the last few years.

While this seems like a digress, and it sort of was, I thought you’d need to know a little history to know that us being close once more – texting every day, playing games together, and being there for each other could be another reason why I’ve found a sense of peace once more.

It could even be a combination of all these things. There is always that chance. However, it doesn’t matter so much the cause, but the fact that I’m here. I’m in a place that I haven’t been in a very long time. I’m not talking a few years here, I’m talking decades.

I sing and dance around the house, terribly mind you, but it doesn’t matter. This is something I haven’t done in almost 20 years. I laugh, pull faces, and joke around with my kids all the time. Before everything happened in my life, I was a rather goofy girl.

If all of that isn’t something…the biggest change…the amount of sheer energy I have throughout a day. It is hard to sit down and type most days. I’ve found that I have had to break it up into increments now or I get far too distracted to accomplish any one task at once.

So, not only have I found an internal sense of peace, which has lifted a dark cloud from our house, but I’m far more active. This helps in controlling my weight so I continue to lose…which is a horse of a whole different color, even the way I handle that is nice. There is no stress in it, at all. Anyway, so it all seems to feed one another and in the midst of it all, I am at peace. In my life, in my journey, in my family…I just am.

Until next time, remember to L.O.L. (Live it, Own it, Love it) or it isn’t worth doing.

2 thoughts on “Awoken By The Earth Moving

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